Healthy Relationships and Teen Dating Abuse

What Makes A Relationship Healthy?

People in healthy relationships can…

• Express feelings, wants, and needs without being judged.
• Talk about anything without fear of being hurt or put down.
• Negotiate and compromise when there is a disagreement or conflict.
• Choose and maintain their own friendships.
• Express their own opinions, even if they differ from their partner’s.
• Feel respected and treated as an equal partner.
• Feel confident with the idea that they  have a right to their own body, thoughts, opinions, and property.
• Trust that their partner will support them in their personal goals, interests, and activities.
• Choose to keep some things (passwords, thoughts, conversations with friends or family members, etc.) private without being pressured, mocked, threatened, or intimidated by their partner.
• Express and receive affection in non-threatening and non-abusive ways.
• Say no to their partner without fear.
• Support their partner in their outside pursuits and interests regardless of whether they share those interests or pursuits.
• Respect their partner when they say no to something and accept that answer without trying to pressure, coerce, guilt, or manipulate their partner into changing their mind.
• Choose to have safer sex without being accused of cheating or not trusting.
• Choose to break up with their partner without fear.

What is Dating Abuse?

Dating abuse can happen in casual or more serious relationships.  It is defined by the same pattern of manipulative and controlling behaviors that is described in other sections of this website.  Like domestic abuse, dating abuse crosses all socio-economic, ethnic, cultural, racial, and religious/faith lines and can occur in any dating relationship, regardless of a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

If you or someone you care about can answer “yes” to any of the following questions, then you might want to reach out to a trusted adult or anonymously contact Love is Respect (phone, online chat or text) for information and support.

• Are you afraid of your partner?
• Does your partner call you names, make you feel stupid, or tell you you can’t do anything right?
• Is your partner extremely jealous?  Do they accuse you of flirting or cheating or forbid you from talking to certain people?
• Does your partner tell you where to go and who you can and cannot talk to?
• Does your partner pressure you to quit activities that you care about so that the two of you can spend more time together?
• Does your partner tell you that no one else will ever go out with you?
• Do you feel cut off from family and friends or pressured to not spend time with them?
• Does your partner insist that you share your passwords and/or go through your phone/other devices?  Does your partner question your loyalty or commitment if you do not give them this information?
• Does your partner post as you on social media or answer texts sent to you on your phone?
• Does your partner insist that you respond to texts or calls immediately?
• Does your partner insist that you activate something on your phone (or car) that allows them to know where you are at all times?
• Do you feel threatened or humiliated if you say no to sex or other forms of intimacy?
• Does your partner blame you for their abusive behavior or for everything that goes wrong?
• Does your partner interfere with you being able to do your homework or keep a job?
• Does your partner make you feel like you are their property or like they have the right to tell you what to do with your body, your time, or your money?  
• Has your partner grabbed, hit, pushed, punched, held you down, strangled or kicked you?  Prevented you from leaving a space (including a car) when you wanted to go?
• Is your partner really nice sometimes and really mean at other times (almost like they have two different personalities)?
• Does your partner make frequent promises to change or say they will never hurt you again?
• Are you afraid to tell your partner that you want to pause/slow down the relationship or break up?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, please know that you do not deserve to be disrespected or mistreated. You have done nothing wrong, and what is happening is not your fault.  Please consider speaking with a trusted adult or contacting loveisrespect.org to speak, chat, or text anonymously with a trained advocate. 

Deciding Whether to Stay or Break Up With an Abusive Person

For Parents/Guardians: Tips For Speaking With/Supporting Children and Teens

How To Be A Friend To Someone Experiencing Dating Abuse

Resources:

Please note that not all local programs provide direct services to teen callers. However, they can help teens find support and other resources as well as offering support to adults in that teen’s life.