For Parents/Guardians: Tips For Speaking With/Supporting Children and Teens
- It is never too early to teach your children that no one has the right to tell them who they can spend time with, what they can do, or what they should wear. You can also emphasize the fact that their body belongs to them and no one has the right to touch them or pressure them into anything without their free and enthusiastic consent.
- Speak with your children about what a healthy relationship looks and feels like (see the first section of this page for some ideas).
- Help your kids identify harmful myths in popular culture about what “true love” is. (Think about stories/songs/videos/other media that glorify possessing another person, sacrificing everything for love, ignoring a person when they say no to something, etc.)
- If you suspect that your teen is already involved with a controlling or abusive partner…
- Let them know that you are there to support them and not to judge. If your teenager doesn’t want to talk with you, offer to help to find another trusted person they can confide in.
- Give them a chance to talk. Listen quietly to the whole story.
- Focus on them and what they need at this moment. Avoid putting down the abusive partner or talking about rules your teen might have broken (such as drinking or sneaking in after curfew). Keep in mind that your teen might have broken rules in order to keep themselves from being further emotionally or physically harmed by their partner.
- If your teen is considering breaking up with a person who acts in a controlling or abusive way…
- Support their decision and be ready to assist. Help your teen come up with a safe break up strategy (in a public place, with a plan of where to go right afterward) and ask how you might be helpful.
- Even if you have understandably strong feelings, keep the focus on your teen. Tell them what is happening is not their fault and that they deserve to be treated with respect. Avoid directly putting down, insulting, or speaking ill of their partner.
- Help your teen think about what might make them safer. You might help them think about not walking home or to other places alone or about where/with whom they will eat lunch. You can also ask them if they want to request class schedule changes or support from someone at school in case they need to speak with someone during the day.
- Get support for yourself! Your local domestic abuse program and Love Is Respect (teen dating violence hotline) are here to help you think about how to best support your teen..